I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
