nut hugger
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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