Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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