I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
