so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
