I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
