The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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