I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
