Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
