I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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