we have pet lesbian snakes
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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