You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
