I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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