no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
