My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
