I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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