can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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