Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
