We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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