He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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