The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
