I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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