Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
