I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
