I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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