i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
