Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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