He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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