better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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