I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
