his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
