drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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