Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he shaved USA in his pubs
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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