Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
