Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
