she looked like the bat from fern gully.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
