I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
