i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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