My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
