if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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