I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
