aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
where are my eyebrows?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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