I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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