no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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