Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
