I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
