we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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