I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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