You're my little dorito
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
