I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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