Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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