I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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