He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
