At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
