i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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