She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
