I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize