Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
