I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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