I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
