Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
